Six Years ago I was Obese , probably morbidly Obese , my BMI was apparently around 40 +.
My height is 161cm / 5.3 Feet and my Weight back then was roughly 108km /17 Stone , I'm now down to a Weight of 71km /11.2Stone which is a BMI of 27.4. This is in the overweight Category but I'm still loosing Weight.So far some nice numbers and facts but I had to listen at some stage into myself and start to wonder why the heck I became that obese in the first place and the truth can hurt.
I would say the last 5-6 Years have been a very amazing Journey and the truly amazing part about it was, that I did not realize it until recently.
The simple truth back then, was that I was addicted to food but I believe in my Case, this addiction didn't just happen because I liked Sweets and Sugar , no I think the Food was replacing Emotions in my Life. Food was actually constantly on my mind, I guess the reason for that was, if I did think about food, I didn't need to think about the thinks I didn't want to think about.
I was never good in showing my real emotions, so I guess I needed an outlet and food was it.
So when I started seriously with Weight Loss , I did not realize that in reality I wanted to get my emotional life fixed.
I'm barely able to recognize the Person who I was 6-8 Years ago and I'm so happy even though that part of my personality will always be with me, but it doesn't play any mayor role in my life anymore.
Back then I believe that I was depressed, I'm not an expert in this, but I'm a expert about me and I don't have any other Word for it .
My real Journey out of that black hole started actually even over 11 Years ago , when I made a rash decision to leave Germany and move over to Ireland.i had a secure Job in Germany I had enough money etc but I did not have a happy life.
I wanted to start a fresh new life, but it then took a couple of more Years to get the next steps done.
So what did I do that changed me ?
Hard to explain but I think bit for bit I removed emotional ballast which in turn removed weight. A couple of examples :
Back then I was great in giving sarcastic comments , these days I believe Sarcasm has only the purpose to hurt others and to hurt myself, so even when I have sometimes a sarcastic comment on my lips I'm not saying it out loud.
The glass is either half full or half empty , this is actually a very powerful old saying .
Even these Days if think the Glass is half empty, I force myself to see the positive things and tell myself the Glass is half full. Try it , it really changes the perspective. One example is my Alpha 1 ( I'm Alpha 1 Antitrypsin a carrier ).I'm fully aware that so one can tell me if I ever get emphysema or any other lung / Liver related Health problems. A couple of Years back I was convinced I would get Emphysema. Today my thinking is, it might come or it might not come, however as long as I'm able to I'm going to kick this crap.
Which means I have to do healthy stuff like exercise and eating healthy. I'm fully aware I will sometimes fall back into this black hole but these Days I have one huge advantage, I will know that I'm in the hole and will work myself out of it again. That was the big problem in the past I did not realize that I was trapped in a very dark place.
So for everyone who is on a long journey, do not despair, it can take a long time. I'm still traveling on my journey and I'm not sure when and if it finishes, I know I still have some emotional issues which are not fixed but I have learned to be patient and that I will need to put effort into it and I will do it step by step.
So why did I write this post , I think I was ready for it, but I still needed a catalyst to start it and that catalyst was going to the Roxette concert ( see previous post ). I have realized that their Music have been with me, when I was in that Dark hole and it brought me joy back then and they are again with me when I'm at a much brighter Place.
Oh yeah by the Way I still enjoy food ( Actually these Days I'm able to enjoy it ), I still like the crappy Fast food but at the same level I love my healthy food and my body is actually more often then not craving healthy food, but when I want to have fast food i will eat fast food , even though my body can't really tolerate it anymore.
I guess that's it for today , more to follow but one important last couple of words :
THANK YOU ROXETTE ( Marie and Per ) for creating Music that's helps to inspire me :
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